More undignified than this

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"   Matthew 7:9-11


Stephanie and I have been praying deeply for guidance in regards to our future over the past few weeks. I had job interviews January 20th, and picked multiple areas that would include Stephanie's graduate school options as well as back-up options. Steph had an interview at the Medical College of Georgia on Feb. 18 and we were waiting to hear back from other programs throughout that time as well. I began to create for myself a house of cards so that I could be prepared for whatever news we received. I had back-up options for back-up options; I was playing a game of chess with the world. I was playing with God.


I was earnest in prayer, but I never took into consideration what the prayer meant. We have been speaking often of prayer at our home group over the past few weeks, and I learned that even in praying faithfully, I can show large amounts of disbelief. My prayers over the past weeks have been that I would have the guidance to make the right decision once the time comes, and that God would reveal his plans to me. I would later discover that I was merely praying for peace to accept bad news. I wasn't praying for what I wanted, which is how Christ directs us to pray.

On Wednesday, this week during home group, we spoke again over prayer, and I confessed that I had been unfaithful while I prayed. While they laid hands over us for God's grace in our lives, I never followed suit. I was comfortable living in God's peace. I was afraid to tap into the depths of God's sovereignty to ask that He grant our desire to end up in Georgia. That Wednesday night I decided to be bold once again in God, to ask, seek, and knock on God's door. I prayed again Thursday morning and throughout the day. I prayed while I was at the gym, and on the road home.


The crazy thing is, I felt that letter to decide our fate had already arrived. I just sensed that it was lying on our kitchen table, waiting to be opened. I wasn't wrong. When I arrived home, Steph was holding an envelope in her hands and her eyes were glazed over in an emotion I couldn't place.

Now, I have walked with God for awhile, and I am continually in awe of His grace. Nothing shakes my soul quite like Him. I am reminded of the story of David when he brings the ark back to Jerusalem, and becomes "undignified" in the presence of his people because his joy is so great (2 Samuel 6). No matter how comfortable I can get in God's peace, there is always room to lose composure and to let my soul blossom.


The truth of the matter is that God hears (Habbakuk 1-2), and that our God is good. For God to answer my prayers it took merely 24 hours. After weeks of praying for his guidance, I have no decision to make. There are no forks in the road, no paths not taken. The way of Christ is the narrow road I chose long ago, but its depth will take me a lifetime to discover and understand. However, at this time I rest easy in Christ as I am confident in his goodness.


As for that letter? It began, "Congratulations! We are happy to welcome you to..."