Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Declaration

Sometimes I get excited about something I've learned, or thought about. Then I'll want to put it into writing, and kind of share it on this. Then I remember I haven't written a word in months, so I don't.

Maybe this is more of a declaration to myself than anything else, but I think I just need to accept that I have inspiration sporadically. I'm not a professional anyway. I just kind of blow steam through this.

Basically, this keeps me from smoking.

Running helps, too.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

A Child is Born

I love Christmas. I grew up for over 10 years as an only child, and no one else in the family had any children during that time either. Between both sides of the family and the cousins included, I was the baby for a very long time. Accordingly, Christmas quickly became associated as the time of year when I reaped a bounty of gifts. But it was also a loving time spent with family. It's always seemed like magic to me, but somehow, even still today, my father was always off work when I had those incredible 2 weeks off of school. I remember vividly playing in the snow when we had it, and the exciting drives to Houston to see my grandmothers and grandfathers. I remember one Christmas when my Nana made me 24 gifts so that I could open up something everyday before Christmas. I was very spoiled.

As I grew older, that feeling of joy and expectation began to turn into other emotions. At first there was jealousy once new babies started being born into the family, and my piece of pie began to shrink every year. But during high school those emotions started to also turn to guilt. It was very confusing. I would be excited for Christmas morn, but I would soon be overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and feel guilty. My family always did Christmas big. I would get hundreds of dollars of gifts every year. For instance, my younger brother currently possesses a Wii, Xbox 360, Nintendo 3DS and a PS3. It is an expression of love from my family, but as I witness it now it makes me feel....ashamed.

How did my perspective fall so far from the birth of Christ?

Two thousand years ago, on what should have been a night like any other night, a star illuminated the sky in Judah, and a child was born. It had been four hundred years since God had spoken to His people. I imagine those most loyal to the faith were nervous with waiting. Many others probably indifferent to it. Children grew up without their father's experiencing God, and their father's before them. They believed because it was what they were told to do; a part of their heritage. Moreover, the priests and pharisees at the time used the Faith to enhance their own status among the Jews. But on that night, a child was born to change everything.

I believe that child, named Jesus, fulfilled the prophecies of old, and was in fact the Messiah that the Jews were waiting for. He was not the one that they wanted, but the one that they needed. He did not come with a sword or from royalty, or to reclaim the land of Israel and fortify its walls, but instead to eat with outcast, heal their afflictions, and teach repentance to the proud. He shortly after was beaten, carried his own cross, and was nailed to it. Thankfully, it did not end there.

But that is another story.

Today is a celebration and remembrance of His birth (and yes, not likely to be historically accurate to the date).  Today, we rejoice that The Lord had mercy on us and lived among us as promised, and carried our sins to the cross. The Kingdom of God is at hand, and that is good news. He intercedes for us. His Spirit moves within us. We are no longer burdened by sacrifices and rituals, but the Word became flesh and now directly speaks to us. This is good news. And when I truly allow myself to reflect on this good news, I feel less ashamed. After all, my shame has already been bought by His blood.

This year I felt something different. Instead of the anticipation of gifts, I was excited to spend time with my family. I was excited to sing songs of praise to the Christ Child. And I feel no shame in that.

That is good news.

Merry Christmas

Friday, September 30, 2011

His people

I haven't written in a while, and there is no excuse for that. Writing helps me focus my mind, keep the brain sharp, and help me reflect on what has been significant and a blessing in my life.

I've been struggling through Jeremiah lately in my quiet time. It's been going rather slowly. I enjoy the book, but it is certainly hard to pick it up daily and continually read about the coming destruction of Israel in response to their disobedience and idol worship. But as I've tried to read between the lines, it is evident that God is heartbroken by the betrayal of His people. This is what really started to get my attention:

What does it mean to be His people?

My introduction to this all began a few years ago when I picked up a little book over the holidays called "The Five Points of Calvinism," and  it blew my mind and changed everything. When I thought I understood my faith, it began to weaken and crumble because I was loving the wrong God. It has taken me over three years to wrestle with the theology to arrive where I am now with it. And I'm still not even there. I don't think I ever will be. My pastor Kevin has agreed with me that it just simply is hard and uncomfortable doctrine, but that we should slowly learn to test those waters to understand God. I agree, but I think it takes a lifetime. But you know what? That's okay. I could write a long time about the subject, but I won't. One, because I'm not an expert. And secondly, because it is hard to understand!

What I have understood from it, is that God does in fact have people; and they were the Jews. Israel. Through Israel God's grace was supposed to be spread through every nation to prosper the Earth (Jer 4:1-2). It steps on the toes of the Coexist and Universalism movements, but truth is truth. It makes sense too, because at the beginning of the world, God gave himself to Israel and showed them how to live peacefully among themselves. He gave them the structure of government (eye for eye, etc.), the delegation of political structure (Moses and his leadership of his people), and He protected them in battle, and the nations trembled at the might of Israel. Because of Israel's disobedience and refusal to adopt His ways, God's mercy was unable to bless the nations of the world. Undeserving as they were, God chose them to fulfill His plan.

What is beautiful about Jeremiah, is God's plea with Israel. "If you will return, O Israel, return to me" Jer 4:1. Isn't that...romantic? And look at this!

"How gladly would I treat you like sons and give you a desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. I thought you would call me 'Father' and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel." Jer 3:19-20

That, that is the language of love. God's heartbreak is evident. I'll probably write about this verse in relation to the covenant of marriage at a later date, as marriage, in its health and prime, is the evidence of what Divine Love should embody on the Earth.

God clearly upheld Israel proudly, as they were His sons, and his desire was to bless them. The way any father would his own son. After all, doesn't love spawn creation? It's complex, but God in His community with Himself, being love, had no choice but to create man because that's what love does. It shares, creates and expands.

Now examine the beauty of the Gospel as evidenced in Jer 3:12-13:
"'Return, faithless Israel,' declares the Lord, 'I will frown on you no longer, for I am merciful,' declares the Lord, 'I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt-you have rebelled against the Lord your God, you have scattered your favors to foreign gods under every spreading tree, and have not obeyed  me,' " declares the Lord.

There is the path to our redemption: acknowledging our guilt. This was the invitation given to Israel, His people. If they acknowledge their guilt, God will be merciful. That truth is still the same today, but that redemption is found in His Son Christ Jesus at once, instead of continual festivals and sacrifices that are the lasting traditions of Judaism.

John 6 points us to examine that we did not choose Him, He chose us. Romans 9 states that He maintains the Sovereign Choice. I believe that if you know Him, He has chosen you. If you don't, I believe He is trying to draw you to Himself so that you may join His Kingdom, and be blessed on the Earth. With God's blessing and His mark on us, we are to spread the goods news of His love and mercy to all, and live in a way that gives Him glory. To do so, it is very very simple. Acknowledge your guilt, and ACCEPT what was freely given: Christ's blood on your behalf.

That is very good news.

Friday, June 24, 2011

They were perishing

Mark 4: 35-41. Listening to David Crowder - How He loves

We have been reading through the Gospel of Mark at church over the past few weeks, and something about the pastor's message really jumped out to me. In the passage, Jesus and the disciples are crossing a sea to reach their next destination. Along the way a storm rolls through, and overpowers the boat, so much so that the disciples are afraid to drown. Remember now some were fisherman by profession, so they were not naive. They were in legitimate danger. They awakened Jesus and said, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing? (ESV)" Then Jesus calmed the storm and there was a great calm. And then:

40He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" 41And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"

What stands out here is they were still afraid AFTER he calmed the storm. I had never noticed this before. It previously made sense that the disciples were afraid because of the storm. But here the storm has been calmed. The disciples are actually afraid of Jesus here. At this point in time, it appears the disciples were not fully believing in His lordship. There still had doubts that He was the Christ, as evidenced by their amazement on his power to control the seas.

I can't help but feel like one of the disciples here, as my faith is still so small. I walk with the Lord, and strive to know His heart, but there are things about his power that I cannot grasp and make me uncomfortable. I think I ignore those things, and try to enjoy the peace, guidance and His Glory. But what of His power? With Christ, the dead walked, the blind saw and the mute spoke. Christ even promised if we had faith we could do greater still. So why am I so hesitant to believe in that kind of power?

I have prayed over people and had people pray over me. I've seen an unbelievable amount of mercy been granted to me, and each time I approach the situation with fear. It's just that rare feeling when seeing meets believing and your mind just wants to reject it. I find myself understanding "He is here! He is real." And when I used to think my spiritual gift was faith, this verse reveals I still have much more faith to pray for. Christ was not afraid of the power of God, He used it to demonstrate God's love. Think about it. When I see God's power I panic, but for Jesus it was no big deal. It was everyday. He had the faith in God to not be overwhelmed by it. What would surprise Jesus is God not being there. I find myself afraid when God actually appears at my request.

I believe God heals, and walks with us, and is just waiting for us to rely on His mercy. To move through us and into our neighbors, our friends, and our family. To blanket us with his love. But I still need to pray for more faith. The kind of faith that is surprised when my prayers aren't answered instead of when they are. Whatever I ask of in faith should be received back at 100%. My understanding of Matt 7:6-8 gives me confidence in that. God has made his promises, they are viewable in scripture and evidenced in Jesus. The ball is in my court now, and I just need to remove the training wheels.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Coming Home

 It's been a beautiful morning. Most people don't like waking up at 6:50 am on a Saturday to pick up their wife from the airport, and last night I certainly didn't either. However, when I walked out the door I was greeted by fresh air and a cool breeze at a crisp 60 degrees. There's that feeling of Heaven again.

There's something soothing about driving 65mph on an open highway, even in a major city. I usually prefer to go faster, but it was early and I was making good time. I turned up some OneRepublic, opened the sunroof and decided to just enjoy the air. I realize I'm describing a normal day in California, but maybe that's why I love Texas. Whenever it is surprisingly cool, like today, it feels like Christmas. I continued to cruise down the highway and realized it was a perfect time for a cappuccino. Say what you will about Starbucks, but I've never had a bad cappuccino from there.

Are you feeling this? I'm talking 60 degrees, sunshine, good music, a breeze and a cappuccino. I'm also wearing a cardigan, which has a hippy feel to it that truly excites me. In a few moments I get to see my wife's beautiful face, and I'm excited for her to return home. And that's when it hits me: home.

 The idea of home is a lot like Jesus to me. My desire is that Jesus fills my heart with so much love, that whenever people ask me about him, I would become speechless. The idea of home is a lot like that. Apple pie cooling on the window (yes it happens, and it is awesome), a glass of ice tea, my favorite chair. It all instills peace. It's indescribable, it renders me speechless. It is home, a haven on Earth.


The beautiful thing is, one day Heaven will be my home, and one day Christ will call me there. I'll be able to see Him, in all His glory. And I'll have no pain. I'll just be able to sit down, and stare into the eyes of the one who ransomed me. I don't know if I'll be able to recognize my family in Heaven, but I like to believe that is the case. The love in Heaven is likely much deeper than even my own expectations. But I imagine I'd be able to see both my Nana and PeePaw, who never got see me graduate college or meet my wife. I'd wonder what they'd think of me, if I turned out alright. If they were proud of me. I'd be able to replace all the memories of life without them with new ones being made perfect in Heaven.

I don't know when God would decide to call me Home, but I feel more at peace with it than I used to. I've realized the Earth is in fact broken. As beautiful as the Earth is to me, it is deeply flawed. I'm ashamed that this is a new revelation to me, since it is like Rule no. 1 in the Bible. I used to have aspirations of growing old and happy on the Earth, but I've learned that's futile. My hope is in Christ, not the creation. I mean, I have chronic pain for crying out loud! Why wouldn't I want to wake up in Heaven, where my joints no longer hurt? I hope God continues to work in my heart to make the Gospel my one hope. To make it home.

I think when the day finally comes, I'll probably be scared. Wondering if my children were raised well, if I left them enough to take care of their own kids. The pain may be overwhelming of not being able to see my grandchildren succeed, maybe I won't even live long enough to see them at all. But I have peace knowing that I'll close my eyes and see Him. The perfecter of my faith, my Redeemer. I'll feel young, sprite, and my joints won't hurt. And, like I said, I'll see Him. Holding a beer (a Hoogstraten Poorter I've decided), two golf bags, and standing in front of a golf course he created just for me. And Jesus and I will play golf for eternity. Sometimes we'll play with others, like PeePaw, and others who join us when He calls their name too. But usually it is just us, and hole after hole I can just delight in Him. That's my home, and I can't wait to see it on the horizon someday.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Footwasher

It is rarely a good day when Christians make headlines. It may be that I never find the ones about Christians doing good, but it seems we have given our peers a pretty bad taste in their mouth. In the end, I can't blame them. The Crusades were absolutely devastating to countries like Turkey, and the pain still resonates deeply. It's not hard to grasp why some people see religion as anti-peace. At surface level, the Coexist movement is pretty endearing. Imagine a tolerant society where we all respect each other and their beliefs; a society where we live in peace.

I'll be honest that I don't truly understand the God in the Old Testament and Jesus in the New Testament. I don't know if that He truly changed. Don't misunderstand, the God of the Old Testament is often seen as intolerant and destructive rather than the protector of His people. I struggle with the notion that God has changed. I mean, He is God and all. I may be naive to think that God doesn't change, but the Bible is rich of texts where we have pleaded with God and been answered. I don't know why the contrast occurs, at least in my mind, but I am reminded of God's passion for the Jews. He was their deliverer, their savior, their Lord God. The Bible tells an incredible story of God pursuing the hearts of His people, even if it involved war and conquering. Imagine the fear in their enemies' hearts! To hear tale after tale of the Jews sweeping through Judea and the rumors of how great their God is.

I don't know the Bible well enough to determine why Jesus seems so much more peaceful and forgiving than God, but I see the similarities in heart. God was saving his people (Exodus 6:6-8) because He loved them. Jesus became sin for us so that we may all be redeemed by God's Grace. I think we get it wrong because we try so adamantly to defend our faith that we become combative. Our lack of faith makes us so uncomfortable that we choose to fight than acknowledge that we don't know the answers. I can't prove God to anyone, but God has proven his existence to me, and that testimony is the only one that I can give. It's not about outsmarting someone and finding the flaws in their lack of faith, but I think it is about love. It's what Jesus did, and it worked out well. It worked out so well people died for Him, and it is by those apostles deaths that we continue to have the gospel spread today. Jesus' love was so strong and true that it was worth dying for. It was worth suffering for. Even Paul confessed that if this whole following-Christ-thing doesn't work out that he should be the most pitied man on Earth (my paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 15:19).

When I get to the heart of Christ, it is hard for me to relate to his death. I know not love like that. It is very uncomfortable for me to think about what I would die for. What really moves me about Jesus is that He washed my feet. It's not something I've ever done for someone, but it is a symbol. It represents that when we are at our filthiest, Christ is still there. Isn't that what true romance is? I guarantee my wife wants me to love her like that. Through strokes, Parkinson's or cancer my wife desires me to still love her at her lowest point. I want the same. Love like that is powerful, it moves the soul to the point of tears virtually every time (i.e. The Notebook). That is the love that Christ has for us. Despite being the Son of God, He got on his knees and cleaned the dirtiest part of my body.

What if we loved like that? What if we washed people's feet instead of bombing Planned Parenthood clinics? Instead of protesting the funerals of soldiers? Instead of marching against gay & lesbian rights? Instead of burning the Quran?

Whose feet would you wash?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

More undignified than this

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"   Matthew 7:9-11


Stephanie and I have been praying deeply for guidance in regards to our future over the past few weeks. I had job interviews January 20th, and picked multiple areas that would include Stephanie's graduate school options as well as back-up options. Steph had an interview at the Medical College of Georgia on Feb. 18 and we were waiting to hear back from other programs throughout that time as well. I began to create for myself a house of cards so that I could be prepared for whatever news we received. I had back-up options for back-up options; I was playing a game of chess with the world. I was playing with God.


I was earnest in prayer, but I never took into consideration what the prayer meant. We have been speaking often of prayer at our home group over the past few weeks, and I learned that even in praying faithfully, I can show large amounts of disbelief. My prayers over the past weeks have been that I would have the guidance to make the right decision once the time comes, and that God would reveal his plans to me. I would later discover that I was merely praying for peace to accept bad news. I wasn't praying for what I wanted, which is how Christ directs us to pray.

On Wednesday, this week during home group, we spoke again over prayer, and I confessed that I had been unfaithful while I prayed. While they laid hands over us for God's grace in our lives, I never followed suit. I was comfortable living in God's peace. I was afraid to tap into the depths of God's sovereignty to ask that He grant our desire to end up in Georgia. That Wednesday night I decided to be bold once again in God, to ask, seek, and knock on God's door. I prayed again Thursday morning and throughout the day. I prayed while I was at the gym, and on the road home.


The crazy thing is, I felt that letter to decide our fate had already arrived. I just sensed that it was lying on our kitchen table, waiting to be opened. I wasn't wrong. When I arrived home, Steph was holding an envelope in her hands and her eyes were glazed over in an emotion I couldn't place.

Now, I have walked with God for awhile, and I am continually in awe of His grace. Nothing shakes my soul quite like Him. I am reminded of the story of David when he brings the ark back to Jerusalem, and becomes "undignified" in the presence of his people because his joy is so great (2 Samuel 6). No matter how comfortable I can get in God's peace, there is always room to lose composure and to let my soul blossom.


The truth of the matter is that God hears (Habbakuk 1-2), and that our God is good. For God to answer my prayers it took merely 24 hours. After weeks of praying for his guidance, I have no decision to make. There are no forks in the road, no paths not taken. The way of Christ is the narrow road I chose long ago, but its depth will take me a lifetime to discover and understand. However, at this time I rest easy in Christ as I am confident in his goodness.


As for that letter? It began, "Congratulations! We are happy to welcome you to..."